Three Year Love Letter

I loved you for three years.
You were my longest love.
You were the person I had consistently loved for three years, wow.
No questions in my head, no doubt in my heart.
You were the one I had planned to love forever.
Somehow, now I will only have loved you for three years.

Are there reasons it ended?
When thinking back….

It was a slow gasp, or whimper you can say, for love.
I wanted your love for longer than three years.
I wanted to be 50 and cheersing beers.

However, losing your love, the one I can’t explain, is why I ended it at three years.

I still had you. My partner, my best friend, my lover, my boyfriend.
Never before you came along did I truly make every decision as if we were one. Situations now not only affected me, they affected us. You were mine and questioned it something I never did.

Let me explain why I knew you were mine forever.
The feeling I had inside told me you loved me as much as I loved you. I had never felt a love come from someone that became so rooted inside me. The true feeling that comes with being loved.
They call it a deep love, because it goes further inside you than you can explain. It wraps around every gut reaction you feel. It tangles through your heart and creates a constant warmth.

You genuinely would do anything for my happiness. Never simply because you were falling in line, but because you enjoyed whatever it was too. You knew you were making me happy. When you can feel how much someone loves you without thinking about it, that is when you know there is something special.

To never question, never worry, only concentrate on returning the love.

Losing that is why we only had three years. No longer were your actions backed by passion. No longer were you happy just to see me smile. I still never questioned weather you would leave. I questioned why you stayed.

It hurt when you stopped staring at me. It hurt when simple eye contact stopped making you smile. It was devastating when the deep love inside, I could never explain, could not be felt any longer.
Never had I felt that feeling before, and then it was gone once again.
A feeling I will never be able to describe. It was true love, you were my best friend.

I never wanted to leave, but I had nothing left to lose.



As the night lingers on, so does your smell. I didn’t expect to see you here, and now your gone after only one beer.

Is it a pleasant surprise to be around you for even ten minutes, or an evil reminder of what I have lost after three years.

I smile as your face enters my view, and my stomach drops once again as your back slowly disappears.

You have moved on and I stand all alone.
Wishing and waiting like it will all just fall back together.

All I want to do is everything I didn’t that made me loose you.

You spoke and I wrote it off. You cried yourself to sleep and I didn’t hug you and wipe away your tears.

Thinking I had you forever and forgetting forever is continually earned not attained after a period of time.

Will the want for you ever disappear. Will the hope always fill me every time I see your sweet smile.

You now have another who fills the spots I missed, touches the places I used to kiss, and I still allow myself to get pissed.

I want to hate you, but my love is so much stronger.
I want to never see you again, but I can’t lie, I search for you every where I go.

I wanted you to be my forever, and I have now forever lost you.


So here we are again alone in my bed.
My thoughts and I spooning the rambles running around in my head.
When leaving someone you love there is that moment it syncs in.
When the dust settles and you are lying alone in y’alls bed.
Alone with no one to hold you.
Alone with no one to say your random thoughts to.
Alone to warm yourself up.
Alone to cry yourself to sleep.
The night seems longer.
The sleep seems shorter.
The dreams seem sadder.
The bed feels bigger.
Still sleeping on your side.
Leaving a gaping space next to you.
Reminding you of whats no longer left of you two.
Before this night you stayed on the move.
Blinding your mind with constant interactions.
There comes that night when no one can be there for you.
There comes that night when you cry yourself to sleep for the first time.
There comes that night when you realize your all alone.