Always to late, because I over think

Tears do not fall.
Pain is in my body and yet the tears do not fall.
I lay in silence and await to have them stream from my eyes, down my cheek, and finally to dry on my pillow.

My brain scatters, it hurts as I ramble in my head. An obsession with questions that can not be answered for days.
As I sit here in sadness why can I not shed a tear.
How is it possible for my stomach to drop a thousand feet at the sight of you and her, and yet not a drop in the form of a tear.

I have been confused since day 1. Feeling things while telling myself others.
Blocking what could be so I can focus on what should be.
When it became real I torched it in flames. Your emotions became the unintentional fuel.
I did not intend to use your heart in an ill form. I simply have not found what my heart is searching for.

My confusion increases at an incredible rate. My life swirls into a downward spiral.
Balance has been lost, and you have pulled me only in one direction.

The one directions full of questions with no answers. Full of heart break that comes from a place I have never known and still can not find.
Lost in this wilderness of emotions I feel as though I am being eaten alive, and no one can see because I am dreaming.
Lost in a world that has no reason, a world I wish was a dream, but everyday I re-awake to an immediate drop in my stomach.
The feeling has become so consistent it is driving me crazy. However crazy is where I have been for a while and I see no light at the end.

A vortex with a perpetual spin.
Finding peace with my motion surly will arrive soon.
Acknowledge the crazy so you can fix it, get over it, or loose yourself in it.

Cry as often as needed is what I tell myself.
Now I only want to shed some tears, allow them to fall, and allow my sadness to flow out and come to relization that I truly am hurt.
I have hid my feelings for so long they are buried in a place I can not find.

I want to cry and feel my sorrow. Even when our heads choose to ignore and avoid, our hearts always win.
Our hearts leave that longing feeling, our hearts somehow tie our stomachs into knots, our hearts make us weak at the knees, our hearts will always win.

However tonight my heart has lost, for my brain ruined everything before I could say I love you.


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